Am I an ad(d)-orc?

I had a lengthy discussion (no yelling, I am SO learning to behave, it's disgusting, really) with she-human about this new facebook thingy. You know, collecting all kinds of information about you, now even more than ever. She said that the organization wants more data about their users in order to individualize their advertising. I didn't understand even half of it. What I DO know though, is that you never give your enemy more info than absolutely neccessary. Or simply wrong information, which makes it a lot more fun.
So, if I were to register at facebook, would they send me orc-related ads? What could that possibly be?
A "pillaging-do-it-yourself"-starter-set?
"Axe-polish, for the daily beheading"?
"Monster shop, everything for your pet"?
Actually, I think I'll get myself an account and see what they'll come up with. How will facebook deal with orcs?

No flowers in MY hair. I'm bold.

I've been going through she-human's tin-music (everything human comes in tins, remember?) and laughed my ass off (not really, as it is massive and it would need more laughter than any lung could possibly hold in order to laugh it off), when I came upon something called 'Flower Power'. I mean, really?

Sausage-people and orcs - common ancestors?

As I told you in my last post, I seriously consider writing a book about the origins of orcs. So, for once I did what she-human suggested, I read another book. Only this time it was short and rather entertaining (no females in lace). What really surprised me though, was the sheer overwhelming similarity between kraut- or sausage-humans and orcs, especially their fighting style. If you don't believe me, here's a copy of said book:
http://www.gutenberg.org/files/2995/2995-h/2995-h.htm

Also, I think that this Tacitus guy has done a really good job of presenting his topic. To honour his spirit I'm thinking of writing my own book under a different name. I think I like Thracitus.

Who better than me?

I should write a book. Seriously.
As I found out, the human I am currently sharing a flat with has quite a substantial number of books (don't make me count them, let's say: a lot). And some of these are about orcs. 'Hang on' you gonna think, and rightly so. How come that humans write books about creatures that
a) do not exist around here (at least to their knowledge, we know better of course) and
b) are not their own species?
How dare they.

Sausages

I had a proper look around, these last couple of days, despite the crappy weather. And I realized: the humans around here should by no means be called krauts. True, that stuff is available at those market-like buildings, stored in tins (everything concerning human comes in tins). But I never once saw anyone actually eat it.
What they DO eat, constantly, is bread and sausages. It comes in various forms and tastes, and it is available literally everywhere. Humans enjoying their favourite pastimes (football, not internet-trolling) - who's already there? A sausage-seller. a remote place, deep in the forest, a carpark, and? Right. Sausageman. Or Sausagewoman. the humans do not seem to mind who sells that stuff as long as they get it, preferably with a slice of bread and some green stuff called mustard. THAT is fantastic shit, I tell you. And it does funny things to the nose, when you eat at least a mouthful of it. I love it all.
So, today I may proudly say I am a sausage-orc. With a mustard-mustache. Life is great. Fuck the rain.

Re: the golden-poo-year

I thought you might want to hear how that incredibly exciting adventure began, when five dragons were threatening our world and yet the year was named after metallic excrements. One day I might tell you the whole tale but today only the beginning. If you are wondering who the guys are that are having this chat, go back to older posts and do some proper reading.

Slaag: "This is NOT a dragon!"
Me: "But it is."
Groisch: "No way! It's tiny. I feel betrayed."
Vorn: "Now you know how your wife always feels."
Noden: "And it IS a dragon."
"A toddler - at most."
"Then stay away from it. It just hatched. I don't want it to follow us because it thinks you are its mom."
"Baby dragons are harmless."
"Then why are your pants on fire?"
"Hehe. Have you been talking to my wife?"
"Seriously. Your pants are burning."
"I'm not wearing any pants - just a loin cloth."
"Too much information !!!"