Busy dictator

In case you're wondering what I'm doing right now (well, not exactly right now, as I am blogging this very moment), but by the time you'll be reading this:
I am a dictator.
Yes, that does not come unexpected, does it. But the good news end here.
I am dictating. Words. To my human.
I know, I know.
Could anything be more pathetic?
I don't think so.
So take my advice: If you ever consider becoming a dictator, do it the proper way, not the book-writing-way. As I have no other options at the moment, I just dream of better days.
The thing I dictate is a story of adventure, of treasures, a shrunken head, and of course my comrades are in it too. Oh, what fun we had.
Those were the days.
Now I am miserable.
Thanks.
:-(

P.S. Ha! She-human feels compelled to console me a bit and offers to cook a nice meal. Always works with these compassionate humans. They'll never learn. Good for me. Grinning from ear to ear now. Oh, must put miserable face back on. Hehe.

A few complaints...

...or as my human put it: mimimi!
Already you begin to see the problem, right?
Yes. I feel neglected.
Lately, my human spends most of her time learning stuff about social networks. When I told her, that I could teach her everything there is to know about it she laughed hysterically. Apparently I have just scratched the iceberg. But I'm not sure whether that iceberg is my human or the amount of knowledge about social media one could gain. How any of this could possibly be related to icebergs at all quite excapes me.
Still, I feel neglected.
I went outside and tried to find pleasure in doing orcish things. For a while it worked, I played capture-the-flag. There's a lot of flags around here, all sorts of flags. Some with black, red and golden stripes, others with a strange blue emblem on a white background (she-human says it's the flag of the local football (i.e. soccer) team, the Arminia). That tribe seems to be a bit more fun than the average human. When I took down the black-red-golden flags, no one bothered. But with the blue-white one it got better: some guys tried to stop me, even ran after me. Only when I showed them my impressive... (I leave it to your imagination what it was that impressed them, hehe), did they stop coming after me, Now I have a nice little collection of flags. It was entertaining for a bit, but not for very long.
So, I still feel neglected.
When I look down from the balcony of my human's flat I see a few cats. They live in my neigbourhood. And I am not allowed to hunt them. They know that. So, they look up to me standing there, and I can definitely spot an evil grin on their face.
Now I feel humiliated.
Don't you think that 'mimimi' is a rather harmless and civilized reaction to all this? Next, they'll tell me I have to pay taxes...

P.S. She-human says that there is indeed a tax called 'Vergnuegungssteuer'. You are taxed for having some fun. Could anything be more depressing?
Mimimimimimi.........

Another holiday

So, she-human told me, this weekend humans celebrate another holiday. From what I saw so far most people are buying a lot of meat and charcoal, in order to have a proper feast. So, no argument there. But I did some research (yes, I do that kind of thing these days, it's disgusting, really) and found out that there's a lot more to this.

Are you an orc at heart?

I have a few questions for you. Don't think about the answers, give them as intuitive as possible and you will find out whether you might have a bit of an orc inside you (and I do NOT mean that literally!).
Here you go:

Random blogging - or: how do they know?

In my last post I announced to write something about orc erotica. My human suggested to try something else first, in order to provide less disgusting content. I don't see what's wrong about being disgusting, I am an orc after all. But here we go (the juicy stuff is only postponed, trust me).
So, in order to find something more blog-worthy I used a topic generator. I had to add three words into it and it would provide me with five new and interesting topics. So far so good. Naturally I used the following three words:

orcs - cats - hunger

Don't think.

The title holds true in so many ways. As in:

• Don' think that I'm gone. I was just enjoying the sunny weather around here.
• Don't think you could trust the human whose home you've occupied. It's a difficult relationship to say the least.
• Don't think at all. Makes a lot of things a lot easier. But that is something humans tend to forget. Which  is somewhat confusing.

Anyway, I came to tell you about something that has struck my mind recently (which is in itself an occurrance of almost divine proportions):
It seems humans try to betray each other, which is one of their more admirable traits. In order to do so, they created something they call 'secret service'. As is appears, they have lots of those.