Chancellor Thrakbog

I think I might run a campaign to become the next chancellor of krautland. Why shouldn't I, right? They had their 'Frauenquote', now it's about time they get the 'Orkquote' which would be the logical next step on the typically human stupidity, called political correctness. But to be honest I can see myself quite cheerfully, accepting a bunch of flowers after elections, eating them or throwing them in the face of some surprised human. Yes, that would be fun, wouldn't it?

Orc in a wok

My human and I had a bit of a discussion. Alright, a yelling.
About a week ago I had been watching something very interesting on kraut telly. Some very odd folks were using a huge bowl-like dish by the name of Wok to sled down a track. It looked like a lot of fun. (In case you have no idea what I'm talking about: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wok_racing or: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUHQoD3lgQI )
So, naturally, I wanted to try it myself.
Luckily, she-human owns a wok, so I took it. A series of problems occured:
1. no snow or ice anywhere near where I live right now
2. rooftops are not as useful as I thought
3. stairs have no use either
4. the wok is not suited for a butt of orcish proportions
5. she-human now needs a new wok
6. I might find it difficult to sit for a while

They did not mention all that on the telly. Bunch of liars.
Do you know where I might get a bigger wok?

Orcs' Progress

It just dawned on me that I might safely boast to be the only orc proficient with social networks. Okay, it always depends on how you define proficieny but I think I'm doing rather well, Given the fact that I had been illiterate when I arrived in this world. That brings me to the question how I could use this newly gained knowledge after my return home. She-human tells me the little device I'm currently using will be utterly pointless in my own world as long as no one invented electricity, the internet or four-layered toilet paper.

Of politics and butts

Kraut-land is odd, very odd indeed. Not only do they indulge in something called politics - which not even inlcudes huge axes and hammers - but they do it with such an amount of correctness that makes it practically disgusting.
Gird your loins, folk and gather round, I tell you what disturbs me: