Chancellor Thrakbog

I think I might run a campaign to become the next chancellor of krautland. Why shouldn't I, right? They had their 'Frauenquote', now it's about time they get the 'Orkquote' which would be the logical next step on the typically human stupidity, called political correctness. But to be honest I can see myself quite cheerfully, accepting a bunch of flowers after elections, eating them or throwing them in the face of some surprised human. Yes, that would be fun, wouldn't it?

Orcs' Progress

It just dawned on me that I might safely boast to be the only orc proficient with social networks. Okay, it always depends on how you define proficieny but I think I'm doing rather well, Given the fact that I had been illiterate when I arrived in this world. That brings me to the question how I could use this newly gained knowledge after my return home. She-human tells me the little device I'm currently using will be utterly pointless in my own world as long as no one invented electricity, the internet or four-layered toilet paper.

Married or not married, that is apparently a question

Now, here's a thing: I have been reading some stuff on the interweb and found something strange. It seems that quite a lot of he-humans of a certain type keep their marriages a secret from the public. I wondered about it and asked she-human who came up with a typical human - and therefore confusing - answer. Let me elaborate:
It seems there are some young males that might be called famous for some thing or other, being successful especially in the music or film business. Those men marry just like any other members of the species but they seem to hide that fact. That in itself isn't what bothers me. There might actually be good reasons to do that, like getting more wives, avoiding evil stepmothers, or even more evil and jealous rivals, and so on.

self portrait

Who would have thought that painting a bloody picture could actually be a pain in the ... claw. If you're not sure what that is:

Me in a pink tutu. In order to amuse my human and kill her by making her laugh hysterically. Didn't work so far but was a close call.

read-along part 4

Before I continue with my views on the book let me confide something.
Reading about all of Mrs. Bennet's daughters put me in a strange kind of mood. I miss them, my own daughters I mean. Not that I wish to be with them (my nerves are just as strained as poor Mrs. Bennet's), but still. It's not an easy task to find a proper husband for any of them. To be honest, I had left it mostly to themselves to find one. Well, I more or less pushed two of them into the tents of my friends (the tribe's cleric and Noden). It goes like this: if they don't get out immediately that counts as marriage. At least where I come from. This whole courtship-thingy sounds very tiresome. And it's getting poor Mrs. Bennet nowhere. The husband is basically useless. I wonder if my wives regard me as such a lazy bugger. Should I have taken more responsibility to get rid of the girls? To be honest I don't want to get rid of Shonka. She'll make a great warrior one day, pretty much already is a frightful sight to behold. And she doesn't fancy male orcs anyway. Oh, hang on! Maybe that's at the root of Mr. Darcy's problems with women. He might fancy his friend more than the ladies. Would explain a lot. Let's see how the story unfolds:

Book Review?

First of all let me assure you that I've never read a single book in my life. Just to make sure that you see I'm not a sissy. I'm an orc, and orcs don't read books. Ever. Having said that I have to admit that there are exceptions. I watched comrade Noden do it occasionally and found it mildly disturbing how he would totally get absorbed by it, completely ignoring his surroundings. Highly dangerous pastime, reading. His eyes would glaze over in a way they should only ever do when looking at my daughter, his wife. So he fancies books. It took me a while to see his qualities as a clever orc underneath all this sissiness.
Now, thanks to a purely arbitrary act of a god I am capable of reading and writing myself. I find that I still don't trust the whole bookish stuff but my human convinced me to give it a go. One of the rooms we currently share (alright, I occupy against her will) is filled with an endless number of books. Could be several dozen or hundreds. Remember, I'm not good with numbers. Human insists that it's just an average number and that there are whole buildings filled with books, called libraries. I've heard of those. Where I come from that's where the wizards go to study. Might have a look at the British Library to find a sorcerer later. For now one room filled with books should suffice. So she suggested I have a look at them and pick one that sounded interesting to me. I didn't even know where to begin so she started to give me short summaries to narrow it down. Why one writes a long book when it could be summarized with a few words totally escapes me. After about half a dozen plots I got tired of it and picked one randomly (alright, it was the thinnest I could find on the shelf). Human began to laugh hysterically which is never a good sign and made me promise to read it to the last page. I agreed maybe a bit rashly, caught by my vanity. She pointed at the book and remarked how fitting this would be then. I read the words on the cover: