"WTF, Thrakbog?", you might say. And yes, you're absolutely right. Those were my exact words too. I finally ate the bloody book. I couldn't bear it any longer. Idiot Darcy telling Lizzy that he loved her. And proposing to her. I mean, seriously? The man was clearly delusional. Trust me, he was. I know an awful lot about halluzinating, given that I frequently drink the stuff the brewer concocts. And I guarantee you, Prick Darcy has completely lost his marbles. All of them. The ones in his head and those a bit further down, which I heard described as the family jewels. The man has got no balls!
No longer able to call him Prick Darcy, I ended his and my own misery and ate the bloody book.
Will go out for a catsnack and be a proper orc again. I really should have known. Orcs don't read books.
Although I have to admit that Lady Catherine de Bourgh had some potential for becoming a truly evil overlord. Uhm, overlady. Oh, well. Never mind.
I feel some wanderlust growing inside me. At least I hope it is wanderlust. Otherwise I'd have to reconsider eating books in the future. I normally digest rusty nails and monster-steaks but the written word could prove inedible and hard to swollow.
So wanderlust it is. Where shall I go? Will do some research to find out where I might find a magic portal. But first: cat. Or dog. I'm not picky.
Showing posts with label Prick Darcy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prick Darcy. Show all posts
2014/10/30
2014/10/11
read-along part 7
Chapter 18
Another ball. Soldiers dancing in fancy dress. Guys, you're very lucky that there are apparently no orcs anywhere nearby. Wouldn't survive one little skirmish.
And Wickham turns out to be not only a sissy but also a coward. No surprise there. You can say about Prick Darcy whatever you like but he certainly does not shy away from a confrontation. And he's obviously a masochist, asking Lizzy to dance with him. I cannot shake off the impression that there was a lot more going on while they danced beside what they actually talked about. My human nods vehemently and praises my empathy. Whatever that is. Someone on twitter has accused me of it as well. Is it frightening people? I hope so. But I somehow doubt that it is something praise-worthy among orc warriors. Oh, that's what their dance reminded me of: a duel. Could almost (amost!) imagine them both wielding a morningstar or a battleaxe. Actually I think Lizzy might be an excellent fighter. She certainly has the fierceness. And although she talks a great deal, that never keeps her from taking action whenever neccessary.
Another ball. Soldiers dancing in fancy dress. Guys, you're very lucky that there are apparently no orcs anywhere nearby. Wouldn't survive one little skirmish.
And Wickham turns out to be not only a sissy but also a coward. No surprise there. You can say about Prick Darcy whatever you like but he certainly does not shy away from a confrontation. And he's obviously a masochist, asking Lizzy to dance with him. I cannot shake off the impression that there was a lot more going on while they danced beside what they actually talked about. My human nods vehemently and praises my empathy. Whatever that is. Someone on twitter has accused me of it as well. Is it frightening people? I hope so. But I somehow doubt that it is something praise-worthy among orc warriors. Oh, that's what their dance reminded me of: a duel. Could almost (amost!) imagine them both wielding a morningstar or a battleaxe. Actually I think Lizzy might be an excellent fighter. She certainly has the fierceness. And although she talks a great deal, that never keeps her from taking action whenever neccessary.
2014/10/08
read-along part 6
Chapter 16
I am very tired of Mr. Collins' long explanations and wonder how the Bennets can stand him just an hour longer.
So, Lizzy has taken an immediate fancy to this soldier Wickham. Still in the first quarter of the novel, I fear this bodes ill for her marital bliss with that guy.
You see, the strange thing is this: in this story the soldiers seem to be respectable and honorable men. From my personal experience with human soldiers I cannot confirm that impression. Quite the opposite, I have to say. Drunken mercenaries. Nothing wrong with that, if you ask me, but it's such a striking difference in appearance that had me confused a bit. And to what use is the shiny red coat? Shouldn't they wear some armor? If not chainmail at least some leather? There's no mention of weapons either. They're holding teacups. There's something very wrong with that army.
Also, the way Wickham is described... Ms. Austen praises him too much methinks. I have become rather suspicious due to this dramatic story-telling thingy. And here's the thing: a soldier prefering the idle chit-chat of the ladies instead of playing cards? Something is indeed very wrong with Wickham. Either he's a real sissy or he has an ulterior motive. Probably both.
I am very tired of Mr. Collins' long explanations and wonder how the Bennets can stand him just an hour longer.
So, Lizzy has taken an immediate fancy to this soldier Wickham. Still in the first quarter of the novel, I fear this bodes ill for her marital bliss with that guy.
You see, the strange thing is this: in this story the soldiers seem to be respectable and honorable men. From my personal experience with human soldiers I cannot confirm that impression. Quite the opposite, I have to say. Drunken mercenaries. Nothing wrong with that, if you ask me, but it's such a striking difference in appearance that had me confused a bit. And to what use is the shiny red coat? Shouldn't they wear some armor? If not chainmail at least some leather? There's no mention of weapons either. They're holding teacups. There's something very wrong with that army.
Also, the way Wickham is described... Ms. Austen praises him too much methinks. I have become rather suspicious due to this dramatic story-telling thingy. And here's the thing: a soldier prefering the idle chit-chat of the ladies instead of playing cards? Something is indeed very wrong with Wickham. Either he's a real sissy or he has an ulterior motive. Probably both.
2014/10/03
read-along 5
Chapter 11
Watching some other person read a book is not proper entertainment for the evening. Go, end your life, Ms. Bingley. Prick Darcy won't have you anyway. Uuuh, what is she doing? Dragging Lizzy into this? Big mistake, Caroline, very big mistake. I don't get half of the banter between Prick and Lizzy but even I can see that he enjoys it far more than anyone expected, probably including himself. Maybe he likes to be bossed around for once. I have to admit she has an interesting dominant streak.
Chapter 12
Whatever goes on in Prick Darcy's head, I don't get it. Does he fancy Lizzy or not? If so, why hesitate? The fact that she has a mind of her own should make the hunt only more fun. Like I said: impotent prick.
And someone should have told Ms. Austen that she cannot mention a whipping just in passing. More details, please. What did the soldier do? How many lashes did he get?
Watching some other person read a book is not proper entertainment for the evening. Go, end your life, Ms. Bingley. Prick Darcy won't have you anyway. Uuuh, what is she doing? Dragging Lizzy into this? Big mistake, Caroline, very big mistake. I don't get half of the banter between Prick and Lizzy but even I can see that he enjoys it far more than anyone expected, probably including himself. Maybe he likes to be bossed around for once. I have to admit she has an interesting dominant streak.
Chapter 12
Whatever goes on in Prick Darcy's head, I don't get it. Does he fancy Lizzy or not? If so, why hesitate? The fact that she has a mind of her own should make the hunt only more fun. Like I said: impotent prick.
And someone should have told Ms. Austen that she cannot mention a whipping just in passing. More details, please. What did the soldier do? How many lashes did he get?
2014/10/02
read-along part 4
Before I continue with my views on the book let me confide something.
Reading about all of Mrs. Bennet's daughters put me in a strange kind of mood. I miss them, my own daughters I mean. Not that I wish to be with them (my nerves are just as strained as poor Mrs. Bennet's), but still. It's not an easy task to find a proper husband for any of them. To be honest, I had left it mostly to themselves to find one. Well, I more or less pushed two of them into the tents of my friends (the tribe's cleric and Noden). It goes like this: if they don't get out immediately that counts as marriage. At least where I come from. This whole courtship-thingy sounds very tiresome. And it's getting poor Mrs. Bennet nowhere. The husband is basically useless. I wonder if my wives regard me as such a lazy bugger. Should I have taken more responsibility to get rid of the girls? To be honest I don't want to get rid of Shonka. She'll make a great warrior one day, pretty much already is a frightful sight to behold. And she doesn't fancy male orcs anyway. Oh, hang on! Maybe that's at the root of Mr. Darcy's problems with women. He might fancy his friend more than the ladies. Would explain a lot. Let's see how the story unfolds:
Reading about all of Mrs. Bennet's daughters put me in a strange kind of mood. I miss them, my own daughters I mean. Not that I wish to be with them (my nerves are just as strained as poor Mrs. Bennet's), but still. It's not an easy task to find a proper husband for any of them. To be honest, I had left it mostly to themselves to find one. Well, I more or less pushed two of them into the tents of my friends (the tribe's cleric and Noden). It goes like this: if they don't get out immediately that counts as marriage. At least where I come from. This whole courtship-thingy sounds very tiresome. And it's getting poor Mrs. Bennet nowhere. The husband is basically useless. I wonder if my wives regard me as such a lazy bugger. Should I have taken more responsibility to get rid of the girls? To be honest I don't want to get rid of Shonka. She'll make a great warrior one day, pretty much already is a frightful sight to behold. And she doesn't fancy male orcs anyway. Oh, hang on! Maybe that's at the root of Mr. Darcy's problems with women. He might fancy his friend more than the ladies. Would explain a lot. Let's see how the story unfolds:
2014/09/30
read-along part 3
I managed four more chapters of Ms. Austen's Pride & Prejudice. I honestly cannot believe that I''m still doing it. Reading, I mean. Somewhere some evil deity really hates me. Must be some righteous Paladin god.
Chapter 4
Basically useless drivel. Yes, Ms. Austen, we all get it: rich and spoiled, that's what prick Darcy is. Also: girl Jane and rich (and not spoiled) Bingley will shag each other senseless the moment they're alone together. Not entirely useless then, this chapter.
Chapter 5
More drivel.
More names I will not remember.
And how convincing is it anyway? To be up early in the morning after a feast is neither believable nor acceptable. Would never happen if this were an orc story.
Chapter 6
More social gatherings, still no wild dancing, no drunken misbehaviour. Charlotte Lucas is a very sensible woman: happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance (and ear plugs).
I found myself cheering dear Lizzy. I highly doubt that her course of action will ever procure her a husband which is rather selfish of her. She should think of her poor parents once in a while. But the way she handled that prat Darcy: adorable.
Ah, I see. Darcy has a fling on the side with his friend's sister. Lazy git. Not even willing to get his ass up to catch a wife. I think maybe he is frigid or something. A male human his age should think of nothing but shagging. Impotent prick. Lacking virility much?
Chapter 7
An army is in town. Finally we're getting to the fighting action. I was already a bit worried that this book contains nothing but girls seeking husbands.
Hm, no action. I'm beginning to think that female intrigues are way beyond anything my brain can grasp. Faking an illness, faking to care for the sick sister, all very clever in order to get into the men's house. I will have a word with my wives when I get home. Can't be that so many things go on in my tent without me knowing about.
Right, this is exhausting. I need a break and will do something orcish. I shall skip the wild dancing though (much to the relief of my human) and go directly for the copious amounts of alcohol.
Oh, drunken bliss.
Chapter 4
Basically useless drivel. Yes, Ms. Austen, we all get it: rich and spoiled, that's what prick Darcy is. Also: girl Jane and rich (and not spoiled) Bingley will shag each other senseless the moment they're alone together. Not entirely useless then, this chapter.
Chapter 5
More drivel.
More names I will not remember.
And how convincing is it anyway? To be up early in the morning after a feast is neither believable nor acceptable. Would never happen if this were an orc story.
Chapter 6
More social gatherings, still no wild dancing, no drunken misbehaviour. Charlotte Lucas is a very sensible woman: happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance (and ear plugs).
I found myself cheering dear Lizzy. I highly doubt that her course of action will ever procure her a husband which is rather selfish of her. She should think of her poor parents once in a while. But the way she handled that prat Darcy: adorable.
Ah, I see. Darcy has a fling on the side with his friend's sister. Lazy git. Not even willing to get his ass up to catch a wife. I think maybe he is frigid or something. A male human his age should think of nothing but shagging. Impotent prick. Lacking virility much?
Chapter 7
An army is in town. Finally we're getting to the fighting action. I was already a bit worried that this book contains nothing but girls seeking husbands.
Hm, no action. I'm beginning to think that female intrigues are way beyond anything my brain can grasp. Faking an illness, faking to care for the sick sister, all very clever in order to get into the men's house. I will have a word with my wives when I get home. Can't be that so many things go on in my tent without me knowing about.
Right, this is exhausting. I need a break and will do something orcish. I shall skip the wild dancing though (much to the relief of my human) and go directly for the copious amounts of alcohol.
Oh, drunken bliss.
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