5 things you shouldn't do when you stand eye to broad chest with an orc

She-human convinced me to produce one of these 5-things-lists. The orcish way, naturally.
Here you go:


5 things you shouldn't do when you stand eye (you) to broad chest (me) with an orc, (or else...):

• breathe (never a good idea within a 10-foot-radius)
  
• attack (rather self-explanatory, this one)
  
• yell (orcs have exceptionally good hearing, yelling will lead to the 'or else...'-part)
  
• run (might be your only option to get away though. But you have to be really fast)
  
• talk a lot (patience is not our strong point)
   

These rules apply for all humans. My own personal she-human has to be more focussed on other things that have a lot to do with household stuff. this is not something she wants me to talk about. Perhaps I should have flushed the lavatory more often.
About the 'or else...'-bit I can only say: use your imagination. Whatever you heard about orcs, it's probably true.